It’s eleven o’clock at night when your mother’s phone rings. The voice on the other end sounds young, a little panicked. “Grandma? It’s me. I’m in trouble. I got arrested and I need bail money. Please don’t tell Mom and Dad.”
She doesn’t recognize the voice at first — the caller says he has a cold. But the emotion sounds real. And then a “lawyer” gets on the line and explains how to send the money quietly, quickly, in gift cards.
This is the grandparent scam — one of the most emotionally devastating cons targeting older adults. And the cruelest part is that it works because it exploits something real: a grandparent’s love for their family.
One of the most effective protections against this scam is something your family can set up in about five minutes. It’s called a family code word.
What Is a Family Code Word?
A family code word is a secret word or short phrase that only you and your close family members know. The rule is simple: if anyone calls claiming to be a family member in trouble and asks for money, ask them for the code word. If they can’t give it, it’s not a family member — it’s a scammer.
Real family members will know the code. Scammers won’t.
How to Set One Up
Pick a word or short phrase that is easy for your family to remember, isn’t something a stranger could guess, and has no obvious connection to your family’s public life. Good examples include a childhood nickname, a funny phrase from a family story, or the name of an old pet no one outside your family would know.
Once you’ve chosen it, share it with every immediate family member — children, grandchildren, siblings. Make sure everyone knows the rule: if someone calls in an emergency and can’t say the code word, hang up and call the family member directly at a known phone number to verify.
Practice the Conversation
Setting up the word is only half the plan. The other half is making sure you’ll actually use it in the moment.
When a scammer calls, they create enormous pressure — urgency, emotion, fear. They’ll say there’s no time. They’ll beg you not to hang up. They might put a “police officer” or “lawyer” on the line to sound more official.
Practice saying this out loud: “Before we go any further, I need you to tell me our family code word.” You don’t have to explain why. You don’t have to apologize. Just ask. If they can’t answer, hang up.
What to Do If You’re Not Sure
Even with a code word in place, it’s okay to feel uncertain in the moment. If you get a call that worries you — code word or not — hang up and immediately call your family member at the phone number you already have saved for them. Don’t use a number the caller gives you.
If it turns out to be a real emergency, your family member will answer or call you right back. If it was a scam, you’ll have just protected yourself from one of the most common cons targeting older adults.
How LurkAlert Helps
The grandparent scam often ends with a request to make a financial transaction — and scammers frequently follow up by trying to gain remote access to a victim’s computer to “help” complete the transfer or “fix” a problem with the account. LurkAlert monitors for those remote access attempts, so if a scammer tries to take control of your computer after a phone call like this, our team is alerted and reaches out before any damage is done.
A family code word protects you on the phone. LurkAlert protects you on your computer. Together, they close the loop on one of the most dangerous scams in the country.
